The Rambling Story Of How I Did Not Throw Up On The R Train This Morning!
Yesterday I took a sick day because I didn’t feel so well when I woke up. Sometimes you are tired in a really different way, and I think it’s your body trying to let you know that it’s not alright - and that sleeping a bunch more and chilling out is just the thing for it. And it’s mostly right I think.
Today, I was on a super-crowded R train headed to work. I woke up with a similar ill feeling, but decided that I’d had my day off and should get to work. About 10 minutes in the commute the train stops on the tracks for a couple of minutes and all of a sudden I am feeling really hot and weak and very, very queasy. So I take the headphones off, undo my coat buttons and stuff my scarf and book into my bag. But the train isn’t moving and I’m crammed up against the emergency door and I know that I’m going to vomit.
So, I’m really worried because I don’t want to throw up on anyone’s shoes, and I really don’t want to throw up in my WNYC tote all over my work notes and scarf and the LOREN EISELEY AUTOBIOGRAPHY that I’d literally just put in there and almost finished! And like magic the idea hits me - why don’t I puke between the cars?! It’s genius…only I’m at the part of the train where you can’t move between the cars because the dude that operates the doors is there. It’s the perfect part of the train for my transfer to the 4/5 train at Lexington 59th, but the worst part of the train to be at if you are going to throw up and want a little privacy and “fresh” air.
I was so proud of this idea too. Last year I got on a F train very very hung over and was just about to get off at 47th-50th Rockefeller Center and threw up about 2 seconds before the doors opened and I jettisoned away - to catch a cab home and laugh about how ridiculous it was. WHY hadn’t I thought of that back then? But even though I puked on the train (and some guys yelled out “EWWWWWW!!!” rightfully so, I might add) I was lucky because I was able to run right off and avoid the disgusted looks of other passengers. Today, I knew that I would have to wait around for another few minutes with either a bag full of my vomit or just having ruined some tired teen’s shoes.
BUT I decided that I was too weak to stand, and so I sat down - criss cross applesauce - on the goddamn floor of the R train and I immediately felt better and knew that I wouldn’t throw up. But I also made sure to look as pathetic as possible, so that the four healthy assholes sitting in actual seats would feel really terrible for not offering me their seat, since I was clearly so sick. I mean, I’d like to think that I’d give my seat to someone who was opting to sit on the floor of the train they were so ill, but who am I? Oh yeah - I’m the girl who still made it to work, felt shitty all day, and then gave up my seat on the train ride back so these kids could have a seat. And those kids were way healthier than me.
Or I’m just a weirdo who should’ve called in a second day but didn’t.
When I got to work I ate my breakfast that I’d packed (yogurt and granola) and felt weak and tired and mildly queasy all day. But I listened to the news and Beats In Space all day and had a nice conversation with a colleague and read a good chapter of my book on the way home and have enjoyed being lazy ever since. So the whole day wasn’t a bust, I’d say, although I do kinda have it in for the R train.
